Very Fast (A Pinoy Taxi Driver’s Tale)

This is a hand-me-down story from a driver of the taxi I took from Baclaran to Las Piñas, lahat ata ng taxi driver merong kwento about anything, kahit di mo kausapin ku-kwentuhan ka, so ikaw naman no choice kundi makinig, minsan naisip ko, sana nagb-blog na lang din yung mga taxi driver para meron naman silang outlet nung mga istorya nila. But I find this one amusing, parang in the same context as “We Filipinos are Mild Drinkers”. It’s about an arrogant Japanese man who met a witty Pinoy taxi driver, if youre a regular taxi commuter you’ve probably heard about this one, ito yung istorya na mapapa-sabi kayo sa huli ng “take that biatch!”

Very Fast

Mula sa arrival area ng airport pumara ng isang taxi ang lalaking Hapon, pangalawang beses na nya sa ating bansa kaya medyo pamilyar na sya sa lugar, isang Kia Pride na taxi ang pumara sa tapat nya, halatang medyo dismayado ang Hapon sa nakuha kaya medyo luminga-linga muna sya na wari’y tumitingin pa para sa ibang taxi bago sumakay. “Good afternoon sir!” bati ng driver pagka-sakay na pagka-sakay ng hapon, “Oke oke” sagot naman ng hapon na patingin tingin pa rin sa may likuran nya, umaasa pa ring may ibang taxing masasakyan.

“Where to sir?” tanong ng driver sabay baba ng metro ng taxi, “Manila Pen, and make it fast!” sagot ng hapon, “why you only have few taxi today?” pahabol na tanong ng hapon, “its lunch time sir, most of the taxi drivers are having their lunch”sagot ng driver, “Aaaaiiii, in Japan service first before anything else” sagot naman ng hapon, “we have to eat somehow sir or else we can’t perform our job well with an empty stomach” pabirong sagot ng driver. Tumahimik saglit ang hapon halatang medyo nairita.

“You’re alone sir?” tanong uli ng driver, napangiti ang hapon sabay sagot “yes alone now but maybe tonight I get company from the club hehehe”, “eh manyakis pala ito eh” pabulong na sagot ng driver, “what you saying?” tanong ng hapon, “ah nothing sir, nothing” nakangiting sagot ng driver. “You Filipinos have lot of videoke bar ha hehehe”sabat ng hapon habang naka-tingin sa gilid ng kalsada kung saan makikitang pila-pila ang mga videoke bar. “do you know that videoke came from japan?” pahabol ng hapon, “Yes sir videoke came from Japan, it originated from the Karaoke right?” sagot ng driver “Yes from karaoke, you’re right” sabi ng hapon. “Did you know sir that karaoke was patented from what you call a ‘Minus-one’ a sing-along machine that was invented by Roberto del Rosario who is by the way a Filipino” pagmamayabang ng driver, napa-tahimik na naman ang hapon sa puntong yon at halatang mas nairita.

“Tell me, what is this car that you drive” tanong ng hapon, halatang gustong bumawi “This is Kia Pride sir, why do you ask sir?” sagot ng driver. “Do you know that most of the parts of this car is made from Japan?” sabi ng hapon, “Ah really sir? I don’t know that sir, all I know is that this car is locally assembled” sagot ng driver, napa-tahimik na naman ang hapon.

“You see that car?” tanong ng hapon sabay turo sa isang kotseng nag-overtake sa kanila, “The Toyota sir?” tanong ng driver, “Yes Toyota, that car made from Japan, VERY FAST!” pa-tawang sagot ng hapon, hindi nakasagot ang driver. “What about that car?” sabay turo ng hapon sa isa pang nag-overtake na sasakyan, “Mitsubishi sir” sagot ng driver, “Yes Mitsubishi, that car made from Japan, VERY FAST hahaha” pagma-mayabang ng hapon habang ang driver ay tahimik lang at naka-ngiti. Di pa man nag tatagal may isa na namang kotse ang nag-overtake sa kanila, “That car also” sabay tapik ng hapon sa balikat ng driver at pangusong itinuro ang naunang kotse, “That’s a Honda sir” sagot ng driver, “Yes Honda, that car made from Japan, VERY FAST hahahaha!” namumulang sagot ng hapon tuwang-tuwa sa mga pinagmayabang nya habang tuloy lang sa pagda-drive ang pinoy.

Ilang saglit pa ay huminto na sa tapat ng Manila Pen ang taxi, “Here we are sir!” sabi ng driver “Oke oke, how much I pay you?” tanong ng hapon, sabay bukas ng pinto ng kotse, “It’s 250 pesos sir” sagot ng driver, “WHAT?!” pasigaw na tanong ng hapon, “why so high? For a short distance run?” medyo galit na tanong ng hapon, “Ah sir, this meter” sagot ng driver sabay tapik sa taxi meter nya, “This Taxi Meter, made from Japan, VERY FAST!”

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